Time to Come Clean
The simplest, yet hardest, question I get asked is “What’s in your book?” It’s so insanely difficult for me to condense, that I genuinely feel sick in the stomach just writing this communique. Already a few of you have asked me face-to-face and I’ve said something like: “Travel, rugby league, journalism, and the trials and tribulations of growing up.”
That’s not a lie, but only about 50 per cent of the truth.
In light of what’s happening around the world right now, I feel I have to come clean and say a large portion of this book is about domestic violence. It’s about abuse across the full spectrum, but particularly that suffered and witnessed by my mother, one of my sisters and I. This was abuse perpetrated, in particular, by two male members of our family. These were guys that went to extended family barbecues, shared a beer with others in sports clubs, pretended they were diligent members of the community.
Some people overlooked what they did. Some people excused it. Others had no idea or inclination.
I also confess to moments where I walked a fine line myself, hurting people around me because I normalised dysfunctional behaviour, particularly when I was fresh out of home.
The reason I took 15 years to write this book is mostly three-fold.:
1 ) Sadly, I don’t believe our story is exceptional. There are people out there who have been through much tougher circumstance, particularly individuals I know from football or from my involvement in Latin America in the last decade or so. I didn’t want to come across as a crybaby and shelved the project several times for that reason alone.
2 ) I didn’t want to relive a lot of it or let it stop me from living the life I currently enjoy. It’s no secret (I’ve shared that part of the story recently) that I struggled with suicide ideation on a daily basis for 15 years, but the flipside is that my past 15 years of life have brought a lot of happiness, achievement and appreciation for a world of opportunities and the better sides of human nature.
3 ) How do you market a book that is so heavy in content?
In the end, I’ve persevered through to the final chapter because I believe I’m in the rare position where I can articulate the experiences of many who don’t get that chance. I don’t want to become another person who grows up, erects a wall, pretends the past didn’t happen, and is unable to empathise with a younger generation facing similar issues.
The other aspect is that I’ve completely rewritten the first manuscript in a way that infuses the upward swing to my life, the changes in mindset that allowed me to break free of the shackles, the surreal, mind-blowing experiences I wouldn’t have believed would ever happen to me.
Someone said to me last week: “Is this a self-help book?” It’s not. It was never intended that way and what I’ve tried to aim for is a genuine piece of literature that tells a captivating story in some fairly inventive ways. I wanted the book to work just as well if it were considered a piece of fiction, as it does for those who can recognise the realism. But yeah, if you want to use it as a self-help book, that can only be a positive.
There’s a lot of dark humour in this book, plenty of amusing, crazy tales, and moments that provide a balance to the more shocking aspects. I’ve visited 52 countries in my life now and I walk you through some of the most wonderful locations. There’s also some justice for the things in my life that saved me – rugby league, music and, yes, partying – that often receive a bad rap and are demonised.
I’ve written this book under a nom de plume, fictionalising most people’s names because there are quite a few people who deserve to be protected. There are others that don’t, but I’ve changed their identities because I didn’t want to spend every day typing their names. I wanted to produce something that was raw, brutal and bone-chillingly honest, so that those who are going through something similar know there has been no sugar-coating, and those who haven’t lived through it might develop compassion or vigilance.
This story consumed ME for so many years. Now I’ve consumed IT. It belongs to me and the others who lived through it.
I can’t see me getting any better at explaining this book in 25 words or less, or looking you in the eye and talking about it at footy training, but one thing life has taught me is that I’ll find a way if I just stick at it.